Day 17: Woody's Wharf Blog - Part 2

So again, sorry for the cliffhanger...

Turns out something fairly major happened over the weekend, but more on that later.

So again, let's get back to Woody's Wharf. There we were, myself and a bunch of my friends sitting at a table having just finished our dinner/cocktails. It was still fairly early in the evening, probably six or seven by this time.

We had just seen a random dude on his boat getting a blow horn installed in his crow's nest, when suddenly he had walked into the bar and sat adjacent to us. One of us said to him, "So you've got a boat, huh? That's pretty sweet."

"Yeah it is actually," he says while he orders his beer from the waitress.

"We saw you up in the crow's nest with that sloot," my buddy says cockily.

The guy laughs for a second, "Oh yeah? You could see us?"

"Yeah definitely, so could that little kid over there and his dad," as he motions to the table near the wall-sized window across the room.

The guy from the boat starts laughing, as do we all--now fairly buzzed from the numerous cocktails. We sit there and bullshit with him for a while, and gather that his name is Chris.

"Well listen, you guys wanna come out on our boat?"

We hesitate, and then a couple of us chime in, "Hell yeah we do!"

A couple of us, two of the girls and my buddy from Phoenix, decide to take his offer to heart and once he gets his drink they head out the side door of the restaurant, out onto the dock, and then onto the boat. Those of us remaining in the restaurant have another cocktail and sort of anxiously talk amongst ourselves wondering what they're doing out there in that boat. Then suddenly one of them comes running back down the dock and into the restaurant.

"You guys come out here its awesome!" He says and then runs back to the boat.

We finish totalling out our bill and then say, "What the hell," and head out to the boat. As we walk out onto the boat we could hear loud hip hop music coming from the speakers up in the crow's nest...the scene of the "incident" earlier. There's a small step stool leading up to the main deck of the boat, and I board the boat I can see now that there's a cabin below. In the cabin beneath is another guy and one of the "classy" girls we saw earlier. The only way I could actually tell she was down there was that is I could see her high heeled legs moving...Turns out that there were actually two completely different slu...women on the boat the whole time. Who knows what was going down...sorry...happening in the cabin below while Chris was up top with the other female.

After a moment the girl below the deck realizes that there are other people on the boat and then suddenly tries to play it off as if nothing was happening. She sloppily stands up, pulls her tight jeans back up (apparently they were slightly down...), buttons and zips, and then slurs, "Heeey you all, how are you!?"

By this time we're all fairly drunk so we just blow it off...ignore her. Chris runs down below the deck, and then comes back up with a cooler. "Hey guys, help yourselves." He opens the cooler to reveal a treasure trove of booze and ice cold beers. Not wanting to seem rude I grab a beer for myself and then one for my pocket--just in case.

A short while later the girl from down stairs and the second in command of the "Ocean Pair-a-Dice" (name of the boat) comes stumbling up the stairs.

"Hey dudes, where are you from?" We shoot the shit with him for a little while. He's pretty faded by this point, the bags beneath his bloodshot eyes seem to say he either hasn't slept in a long time or he's been hitting the boozes fairly hard. I gathered that his name was Kevin, and yes in fact he was sloppy-ass drunk.

So a few hours pass and we sat there drinking with Chris and Kevin on Ocean Pair-a-Dice, when suddenly Kevin and one of those classy gals from before decide that maybe they should go have a private chat session below the deck. No one thinks much of it, we just assume that he's going to go lay some pipe...so we just ignore it for a bit. We're all up in the top level of the boat at this point, near the giant cliched boat steering wheel. The cooler is now getting fairly low, Chris had a few bottles of booze and mixers that he gladly gave us, and again it would be rude to say no, so we happily obliged.

As we're sitting up there recanting drunken stories with Chris and his merwhore we suddenly hear some laughing and slight moaning coming from below deck. Its one of those sounds where you're fairly certain you know what's going on buuuuut a few of us decide to go below deck and investigate, just to be sure that everyone is safe...yeah...

So myself and a few others go below deck to see Kevin and his Ocean Pair-a-Boobs getting frisky below...well sort of. She's laying on her back on the floor and he's sucking her toes. They're both completely oblivious to the fact that we're there watching this craziness, completely laughing our asses off, while Kevin is mowing down the metatarsals. Rather than sticking around for what might happen later we decide to head back up top. Although this picture looks slightly more incriminating than it is, I can assure you (at least while we were down there) there was only some toe sucking and apparently wrestling going down....

So now we're finally out of beer and booze, but Chris decides he's going to keep the party going. He runs inside grabs more beer and the booze from the bar, and restocks the cooler. So by this time its dark, probably 9 pm, and a few friends of ours decide to come and join us out on the boat. We continue partying on this boat with our new seadogs Chris and Kevin, and by this time they had abandoned their somewhat feeble/successful (depending on how you look at it...sucking toes? Really Kevin...really? Sucking the dirty nasty toes of a seawhore you met that day? Really? Jeez) attempts at getting laid and have focused solely on getting drunk...yeah okay, getting MORE drunk. Kevin hadn't totally given up, or maybe this was his curtain call because he took his puta del mar down below again to commence in a little dancing, he always was such a romantic...

Our friends had come and met us at this time, and we were all partying aboard a couple of perfect strangers' (no not Balki) boat. Of course by this time we had already started scheming that we were going to take the boat to Catalina Island in the morning, naturally that had about a zero percent chance of EVER happening, but at the time WE WERE TOTALLY GOING! Anyway, so there we are partying when suddenly another boat pulls up next to us. Turns out this boat was full of University of Minnesota students. Well, that's usually a lot of trouble since when I get drunk, as well as another of our friends, we tend to sing the Golden Gophers fight song (yes, as intimidating as that sounds there IS a fight song). Basically it concludes by chanting:

M-I-N-N-E-S-O-T-A MINNESOTA MINNESOTA GOOOOO GOPHERS!

Well typically by the time that starts, we're three sheets (or sails in this case) to the wind and trouble tends to ensue--this time was no different (also stay tuned one of these days for the You're goin' in the Bush story...it involves this cursed chant...). So there we were and we can see that they've got Golden Gophers decals on their boat, so naturally we start chanting. Then their only natural course of action is to join in on the chant...well this continues for a while and then they dock and people begin jumping from the boat we were on to the Golden Gophers boat. I remind my LONGTIME girlfriend that she should be careful since she's fairly intoxicated at this point, and even suggest that MAYBE she shouldn't pursue a course of action that could potentially lead to her falling into the harbor.

Sooooooo...fast forwarding to a few hours later, we continue partying, at this point its about 11 pm and Harbor Patrol has decided that we are either too drunk or too loud to continue our hijinx on their docks so they say that we all have to go inside the bar. Yes...you read correctly, we were kicked INTO the bar, first time for everything.

Anyway as they were trying to corral us and get us all to go into the bar the Golden Gophers boat decided that they were going to leave, and they sort of made that decision without much regard to who was on their boat. So my LONGTIME girlfriend was still on the boat and had to quickly vacate the departing Gopher boat, and she jumped from one deck to the other....as she did so she missed Chris and Kevin's boat and fell into the water. People quickly scrambled to rescue her from the water (which was about 55-60 degrees), everyone was laughing, LUCKILY she was okay. However her purse and everything in it (including her THIRD cell phone that YEAR) was shot.

So by this time, with the girlfriend completely soaked, it pretty much signaled the end of the night (or at least the end of this story since its fairly ramblatious in nature). Maybe the morale of the story is to take chances with people you've never met and let go of your inhibitions, maybe the morale is drink a bunch at a place with docks and chances are you'll see a guy getting a beej and hang out on his boat, or maybe, just maybe, the morale of the story is listen to your boyfriend when he says don't jump from boat to boat while drunk because you'll fall into the water...into these jellyfish (no shit picture taken exactly where she went in the water).

Ramblatious: adj. Of, by, or pertaining to, rambling or ramble mongering.