Day 3 - Blog in the Day

I'm not sure how many of you have noticed exactly how shitty TV shows are becoming. The rate of shitification of TV shows is increasing by the day. The source of the destruction of what used to be a perfectly innocently boring media can be traced to two sources:

1. MTV
2. The Real Housewives of ______________.

Now while growing up I used to love to watch MTV, maybe because we didn't always get it included into our cable package. But when I would go to friends houses who's parents spared no expense for their luxurious cable package we would usually watch MTV. The shows we watched then were MUCH different than the drivel they broadcast 24/7 these days though. We were forced to watch "risque" shows like Beavis and Butthead, Daria, Aeon Flux, Headbangers Ball and Yo! MTV Raps. Back then MTV only had a few shows that weren't actually about music, much to the contrast of the present. Before we even knew what blogging, reality tv, Orbitz carbonated beverage or the 24 hour news cycle was these TV shows were "corrupting" the young minds of American teenagers. Most parents hated the channel, primarily because of Bevis and Butthead, therefore most kids loved Bevis and Butthead.

Flash forward to the now, MTV is still doing its job corrupting young minds; however, the corruption has now run rampant throughout our entire culture and over all demographics and ages. I will have to give MTV credit for one thing, as best as I can remember it they invented Reality TV. Love them or hate them, they were at least on the "cutting edge" in that aspect. I think I've devoted enough of this piece to the fact that I used to love MTV, now its on to the hate.

What the hell has happened? Where did the train come off the tracks? I don't remember the last time I actually saw a music video on Music Television. At what point did it become okay to forego their namesake and churn out the nonsense that continues to thrive on that network? Why do I have to watch a channel called Palladia if I want to actually see a MUSIC VIDEO? Sonofabitch. And one more thing how many more TV shows can they spin from the trashy rejects of their own shitty reality shows? Real World/Road Rules Spinoff Challenege IV, what the fuck, who cares. How about next time you leave that off of the new season and maybe throw in a goddamn half hour block of music videos. Ass.

Now on to the other, The Real Housewives. Exactly what part of them IS actually real? Its surely not their exaggerated racks, I know its not their lips, face, cheeks, or personalities. Maybe thats the twist to the show? Maybe they'll throw a little wrench into the mix and have their husbands all divorce them. Yeah that would be awesome, could you imagine? Then they'd have no money, no house, and no Mercedes. Then they'd ACTUALLY be the REAL HOUSEWIVES, except for the fact that then they really wouldn't have a house...and they would no longer be wives. But still then they'd have to get jobs, and I mean real jobs not the tax write-off bullshit front jobs they supposedly have now. Then they'd have to work WITH the people they resent, now that's good television! I'd love to see that cocaine riddled blonde harpy from the Real Housewives of Orange County taking someone's order at the Jack in the Box. That's Must See TV!

I'm fairly certain that if Syria or Palestine wanted to increase their hatred towards the West all they should do is play this fucking show for an hour every night. You want to start a Jihad? That's how you do it! Show these stupid c*nts spending thousands of dollars of their husband's money, show them getting $5000 "mani/pedi's", show them brainwash their kids into becoming the same banal drones that they've grown up to be. If this crap is all about ratings and increasing ad revenue (which obviously it is) can't they make it so I don't want to run them over with my Civic?

Here's an idea (Harvey Weinstein please feel free to throw me an email to discuss the rights), why not put all the "REAL" World fuckheads and the "REAL" Housesluts of _________ on an island in the South Pacific. Install a bunch of cameras throughout the jungle, and leave them there. Every three or four days have a helicopter drop food and water, no challenges, no mini games, no immunity, just REAL survival. The network executives could just sit back and watch their bank accounts. Now that's something I would watch.

Day 2 - Go Blog Yourself

As I'm sure I illustrated yesterday, I'm fairly new at this. I'm not even sure if there are technically rules to this blogging exercise--and if there are I'm sure I've broken a few of them already. Most blogs tend to focus on one thing (as mentioned previously, daily routines are a surefire way to bore the hell out of the reader). Sometimes its as contrite as a blog about how amazing the writer's family happens to be, and sometimes its about important things--like sports.

Unfortunately for you, this blog is not about just one thing. I intended this to be an experiment, and I'll be damned if I'm going to limit my experiment to just one test variable. For those scrambling to Wikipedia or AskJeeves to learn what a test variable is, skip the search engine and bring a toaster into the shower with you tomorrow morning. If you notice anything different, lemme know. Douche.

If you actually did have to look up what a test variable is, well then I apologize for the unnecessary insult. I've just been a little stressed out lately with the pressures of this blog and took it out on you, I'm sorry. If you continue reading, or are still at this point, then I'll assume that means you accept my apology. Also, if by some chance you did bring a toaster into the shower with you well then we'll chalk this one up to Darwin and call it square.

Now a whopping two days into this experiment I'm starting to realize why people tend to stop these things before 30 days. It becomes difficult to write about stuff while keeping the reader interested. Again, I'm not worried about the reader as I have no real remorse for them if they (and by they I probably mean you) are reading this stream consciousness diatribe. But maybe the task at hand is more difficult than I first surmised; unfortunately for you though, I'm not really a quitter.

Although content seems to be lacking today, I would like to make one observation before ending this post. I recently looked up my high school on Wikipedia and discovered that we have multiple famous alumnae. Interestingly enough, my name was included in the list of the "famous". Well, this seems intriguing, although as you're reading this I'm sure you're not suprised. I mean why would you continue to read this if I weren't someone famous or rich or talented or on The Real World. Anyway, turns out I was a NCAA tennis player at my college...yeah...an NCAA tennis player. Well, turns out thats not true. Howver, another noteable famous alumni was apparently Paul Blart mall cop of that timeless critically acclaimed classic Paul Blart Mall Cop (PBMC as its known to those in the biz). By the way check out his credentials, much better than valedictorian.

Anyway, that got me thinking as to how the hell Wikipedia could ever verify EVERYTHING that is posted to their site. So as an experiment, I've decided to make a few edits to various Wikipages, just to see if any verification is done on the posts that are made there. I feel that if I did any less, I'd not only be letting my friends and family down, I'd also disappoint Paul Blart...Mall Cop, and I don't want to live in a world where he's disappointed with me.

EDIT: Apparently the Wikipedia gestapo is a bit more strict than originally planned, though somehow they allow Paul Blart slipped through the cracks? So the online encyclopedia has 200 words devoted to the fly swatter but they are seemingly fine with the fact that he (the fictional mall cop character) somehow graduated from a small rural Minnesota High School and then followed that up by attending Thomas Jefferson Starship University of California...brilliant. Anyway I will continue this and keep you posted.

EDIT: Even better, Paul Blart has his own wiki page already!

Day 1 - Thirty to go?

This being the first blog posting of my life, it comes with quite a bit of pressure. If this posting isn't good people may never return and read more; fairly presumptuous assuming anyone would to begin with, but go with it. Although I've been contemplating starting one of these for quite a while I wasn't really sure what the point was. I mean why would anyone feel compelled to read someone's incoherent ramblings? Fuck it, here's to trying.

So back to the issue at hand: the pressure of the first blog post. The first post is usually some sort of sappy shit written by the narcissistic whiny author about themselves and what their likes/dislikes are. Well I'm not going to do that. Why, you ask? Because that's not me, I've never been self indulgent, even more so if I was, I certainly wouldn't write a blog to tell the world about how great I am. I'm much too evolved for something that petty. Amateurs.

Right, we were talking about first blog postings. Perusing the Internet for what people tend to use these blogs for basically taught me three things:

1. Most people give up on these in less than 30 days
2. There really is no point to blogging, maybe that's the point?
3. Blogs make you no money; none, zip, zilch, nada.

Now here I am re-reading those three points and I'm already starting to reconsider this endeavor...

One of the things that I don't really understand about blogging is the way people tend to approach it. Usually people approach it by telling the reader precisely how formulaic their days/weeks/lives are; for example:

John D Suck's Blog
Hello faithful readers, today was a great day. I woke up this morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed (LOLZ) and made a fabulous breakfast. My scrambled eggs were a little overdone, but it didn't matter. You know why? John & Kate Plus 8 is on tonight!

....give me a fucking break. I hate you, go fuck off you pile of shit. Why as readers do we give a shit just how pathetic your daily routine is? If I wanted to know that all you have to look forward to ONCE YOU WAKE UP is coming home from your menial job and watching some bullshit TV show, then I would have asked. Cocksucker.

Now I'm off track...this is why I don't know why I'm even attempting one of these. I have ADD to beat hell, and I'm far too cynical and critical of others. SO, now that I've ripped on the typical linear daily drivel, I now have to try and avoid it or run the risk of being a dash hypocritical. Hopefully before these thirty days are up I'll have enough to write about on here where I won't have to resort to rehashing the minutia of my day; and if not, then its only 30 days and I think you can handle it.