Day 17: Woody's Wharf Blog - Part 2

So again, sorry for the cliffhanger...

Turns out something fairly major happened over the weekend, but more on that later.

So again, let's get back to Woody's Wharf. There we were, myself and a bunch of my friends sitting at a table having just finished our dinner/cocktails. It was still fairly early in the evening, probably six or seven by this time.

We had just seen a random dude on his boat getting a blow horn installed in his crow's nest, when suddenly he had walked into the bar and sat adjacent to us. One of us said to him, "So you've got a boat, huh? That's pretty sweet."

"Yeah it is actually," he says while he orders his beer from the waitress.

"We saw you up in the crow's nest with that sloot," my buddy says cockily.

The guy laughs for a second, "Oh yeah? You could see us?"

"Yeah definitely, so could that little kid over there and his dad," as he motions to the table near the wall-sized window across the room.

The guy from the boat starts laughing, as do we all--now fairly buzzed from the numerous cocktails. We sit there and bullshit with him for a while, and gather that his name is Chris.

"Well listen, you guys wanna come out on our boat?"

We hesitate, and then a couple of us chime in, "Hell yeah we do!"

A couple of us, two of the girls and my buddy from Phoenix, decide to take his offer to heart and once he gets his drink they head out the side door of the restaurant, out onto the dock, and then onto the boat. Those of us remaining in the restaurant have another cocktail and sort of anxiously talk amongst ourselves wondering what they're doing out there in that boat. Then suddenly one of them comes running back down the dock and into the restaurant.

"You guys come out here its awesome!" He says and then runs back to the boat.

We finish totalling out our bill and then say, "What the hell," and head out to the boat. As we walk out onto the boat we could hear loud hip hop music coming from the speakers up in the crow's nest...the scene of the "incident" earlier. There's a small step stool leading up to the main deck of the boat, and I board the boat I can see now that there's a cabin below. In the cabin beneath is another guy and one of the "classy" girls we saw earlier. The only way I could actually tell she was down there was that is I could see her high heeled legs moving...Turns out that there were actually two completely different slu...women on the boat the whole time. Who knows what was going down...sorry...happening in the cabin below while Chris was up top with the other female.

After a moment the girl below the deck realizes that there are other people on the boat and then suddenly tries to play it off as if nothing was happening. She sloppily stands up, pulls her tight jeans back up (apparently they were slightly down...), buttons and zips, and then slurs, "Heeey you all, how are you!?"

By this time we're all fairly drunk so we just blow it off...ignore her. Chris runs down below the deck, and then comes back up with a cooler. "Hey guys, help yourselves." He opens the cooler to reveal a treasure trove of booze and ice cold beers. Not wanting to seem rude I grab a beer for myself and then one for my pocket--just in case.

A short while later the girl from down stairs and the second in command of the "Ocean Pair-a-Dice" (name of the boat) comes stumbling up the stairs.

"Hey dudes, where are you from?" We shoot the shit with him for a little while. He's pretty faded by this point, the bags beneath his bloodshot eyes seem to say he either hasn't slept in a long time or he's been hitting the boozes fairly hard. I gathered that his name was Kevin, and yes in fact he was sloppy-ass drunk.

So a few hours pass and we sat there drinking with Chris and Kevin on Ocean Pair-a-Dice, when suddenly Kevin and one of those classy gals from before decide that maybe they should go have a private chat session below the deck. No one thinks much of it, we just assume that he's going to go lay some pipe...so we just ignore it for a bit. We're all up in the top level of the boat at this point, near the giant cliched boat steering wheel. The cooler is now getting fairly low, Chris had a few bottles of booze and mixers that he gladly gave us, and again it would be rude to say no, so we happily obliged.

As we're sitting up there recanting drunken stories with Chris and his merwhore we suddenly hear some laughing and slight moaning coming from below deck. Its one of those sounds where you're fairly certain you know what's going on buuuuut a few of us decide to go below deck and investigate, just to be sure that everyone is safe...yeah...

So myself and a few others go below deck to see Kevin and his Ocean Pair-a-Boobs getting frisky below...well sort of. She's laying on her back on the floor and he's sucking her toes. They're both completely oblivious to the fact that we're there watching this craziness, completely laughing our asses off, while Kevin is mowing down the metatarsals. Rather than sticking around for what might happen later we decide to head back up top. Although this picture looks slightly more incriminating than it is, I can assure you (at least while we were down there) there was only some toe sucking and apparently wrestling going down....

So now we're finally out of beer and booze, but Chris decides he's going to keep the party going. He runs inside grabs more beer and the booze from the bar, and restocks the cooler. So by this time its dark, probably 9 pm, and a few friends of ours decide to come and join us out on the boat. We continue partying on this boat with our new seadogs Chris and Kevin, and by this time they had abandoned their somewhat feeble/successful (depending on how you look at it...sucking toes? Really Kevin...really? Sucking the dirty nasty toes of a seawhore you met that day? Really? Jeez) attempts at getting laid and have focused solely on getting drunk...yeah okay, getting MORE drunk. Kevin hadn't totally given up, or maybe this was his curtain call because he took his puta del mar down below again to commence in a little dancing, he always was such a romantic...

Our friends had come and met us at this time, and we were all partying aboard a couple of perfect strangers' (no not Balki) boat. Of course by this time we had already started scheming that we were going to take the boat to Catalina Island in the morning, naturally that had about a zero percent chance of EVER happening, but at the time WE WERE TOTALLY GOING! Anyway, so there we are partying when suddenly another boat pulls up next to us. Turns out this boat was full of University of Minnesota students. Well, that's usually a lot of trouble since when I get drunk, as well as another of our friends, we tend to sing the Golden Gophers fight song (yes, as intimidating as that sounds there IS a fight song). Basically it concludes by chanting:

M-I-N-N-E-S-O-T-A MINNESOTA MINNESOTA GOOOOO GOPHERS!

Well typically by the time that starts, we're three sheets (or sails in this case) to the wind and trouble tends to ensue--this time was no different (also stay tuned one of these days for the You're goin' in the Bush story...it involves this cursed chant...). So there we were and we can see that they've got Golden Gophers decals on their boat, so naturally we start chanting. Then their only natural course of action is to join in on the chant...well this continues for a while and then they dock and people begin jumping from the boat we were on to the Golden Gophers boat. I remind my LONGTIME girlfriend that she should be careful since she's fairly intoxicated at this point, and even suggest that MAYBE she shouldn't pursue a course of action that could potentially lead to her falling into the harbor.

Sooooooo...fast forwarding to a few hours later, we continue partying, at this point its about 11 pm and Harbor Patrol has decided that we are either too drunk or too loud to continue our hijinx on their docks so they say that we all have to go inside the bar. Yes...you read correctly, we were kicked INTO the bar, first time for everything.

Anyway as they were trying to corral us and get us all to go into the bar the Golden Gophers boat decided that they were going to leave, and they sort of made that decision without much regard to who was on their boat. So my LONGTIME girlfriend was still on the boat and had to quickly vacate the departing Gopher boat, and she jumped from one deck to the other....as she did so she missed Chris and Kevin's boat and fell into the water. People quickly scrambled to rescue her from the water (which was about 55-60 degrees), everyone was laughing, LUCKILY she was okay. However her purse and everything in it (including her THIRD cell phone that YEAR) was shot.

So by this time, with the girlfriend completely soaked, it pretty much signaled the end of the night (or at least the end of this story since its fairly ramblatious in nature). Maybe the morale of the story is to take chances with people you've never met and let go of your inhibitions, maybe the morale is drink a bunch at a place with docks and chances are you'll see a guy getting a beej and hang out on his boat, or maybe, just maybe, the morale of the story is listen to your boyfriend when he says don't jump from boat to boat while drunk because you'll fall into the water...into these jellyfish (no shit picture taken exactly where she went in the water).

Ramblatious: adj. Of, by, or pertaining to, rambling or ramble mongering.

Day 16: Woody's Wharf Blog - Part 1

So here we are over halfway through the 30 day goal, I'm still about a million people short of my 100 follower goal though, but I've got time.

So after having friends in town for the past weekend, I feel like I'm finally starting to get back on track sleep and not-feeling hungover-wise, so that's good. Living in a warm state and growing up in a fairly un-warm state, we tend to have a lot of visitors out here. Usually with people arriving, it typically signals the start of either starting our tour guide services for the weekend or some severe liver damage and fattening food indulgence. Fortunately this time, it was a hybrid of the two--and it actually felt like we were on vacation too, hard to complain about that.

Given that I've now experienced what can only be described as a very chill, relaxing weekend with some great friends who I don't get to see very often, I figure I should recant the epic tale of the weekend that was Woody's Wharf Fiasco (or WWF).

Two of my good girl friends from college/high school and another of my high school buddies flew out to Orange County (the girls coming from MN), the guy coming on over from the AZ. Being that it was summer, Friday, and there were people in town we decided that that was as good of a reason as any to go grab some food and get some libations, so we headed down to a local seafood place in the harbor known only as Woody's Wharf. This was doubly pertinent since another of our good friends from back in MN's name is Woody, so we figured, "Hey what the hell, might as well eat at his wharf." That doesn't sound good...

So there we are in the restaurant, its late afternoon (I'd say fourish) and we're hungry for some fish and a few cocktails. As we walk into the restaurant there is a small waiting area where the restrooms and the hostess station are located. Sitting directly adjacent to the hostess station is a Breathalyzer machine, this beacon of sobriety should have been a sign of the things that were to come.

After waiting for a moment, the hostess seats us and hands us our menus and waters--the usual restaurant shtick ensues. The dining area is arranged in such a way that basically wherever you're sitting, unless your back is to it, you're able to see the harbor through the plate glass wall. So after we order our food, eat it, and order a few more drinks each, someone notices a guy up in the crow's nest of a boat that was docked at outside the restaurant. Now the restaurants that are in the harbor tend to have docks that people can just pull their boats up to and come in for a drink, or have a waitress bring food and/or (or only) drinks onto the boat, which is pretty sweet. So one of the boats must have pulled up and decided, "Hey let's get some food and have a beer before heading out to our original destination." Or at least that's what they should have said.

So there we are eating our food, having our cocktails and now we notice that it's not just a guy up in the crow's nest, its also a woman. She is strategically positioned in a fashion that could only suggest the guy was getting his O's fellated.

So she's basically on her knees, in the crow's nest, the guy is standing up there with his hands on the roof of the crow's nest bracing himself...aaaaand there's a kid in the restaurant watching the whole thing "go down".

This seven year old kid, in all likelihood, has absolutely no idea what's going on. In fact, he probably thinks this nice lady is fixing a zipper or perhaps sewing a new button on this poor man's khaki shorts...poor poor man. And had the "nice lady" continued with her job at hand...the kid would have been none the wiser. It was only when she decided to stand up, assuming her "work" was done, turn around, and pull out a boob when the kid's dad decided to tell him to, "Quit staring and get eating."


At this point we're all cracking up, not just because this dude is getting a beej on the boat in plain sight of the restaurant, but also because the dad had to pretend it wasn't funny and scold his innocent (though now slightly less) son for looking. A few moments later, the two lovebirds come down from their nest (possibly realizing that the glass wall in front of their boat had people behind it?) and go to "freshen up" below deck...wow so many double entendres here I don't even know where to start.

Anyway, so we talk about how funny what we just saw was for a while as we finish our dinner and have a few more drinks. At this point, had we used it, the Breathalyzer in the entryway would have told us that cabbing is a good idea and that driving post-multi-cocktails is a bad idea. So the bill comes and the conversations and drinks are all winding down, the imminent feeling of our departure is weighing down upon us. But before it can fully set in, the "poor man" from the crow's nest comes stumbling up the dock from his boat and comes...enters...walks into the bar, right into the dining area. He walks up to the bar, orders a drink, and then sits down at the table near us.

At this point we're all thinking..."Why don't we ask him what was going down...happening over there on his boat?" Everyone is apprehensive to break the ice with the public beej taker, and then suddenly someone shoots out...says, "So, I see you've got a boat? That's pretty sweet."

That single statement changed what could have been a fairly standard evening into a drunken debacle of epic proportions. However, I will leave the remainder of this story for tomorrow--I hate cliffhangers as much as the next person (trust me) but this time its necessary or I'll have written nearly the full content of my life's memoirs by the time this blog is finished...maybe not such a bad thing though??? Anyway like I said, I will try to wrap up this epic tale tomorrow...Stay tuned.

Day 15 - Blogging About Nothing

Yes I realized I missed a blog post yesterday, and yes I said I'd only be skipping blogs on Fridays-Sundays, well yesterday was my birthday so guess what, I'm letting myself off the hook...deal with it.

Sometimes blogging can be very strenuous, other times it comes fairly easily that day (see previous entries for overly long blog posts), today seems to be one of the former. Based on the fact that I got approximately 3 hours of sleep last night and pretty much drank profusely since Thursday of last week I'm going to copout today and call this my blog posting...

Weak? Yes, very. So I'll just close today by posting a few links to things I've recently become obsessed/interested with.

• Pitchfork (a music site for people who hate music) has recently completed their list of the Top 500 Songs of the 2000's. Given that I'm usually a staunch critic of that website, I'm entirely suprised by how damn awesome the list is. Even if you don't go through all of the list, check out the top 20, fairly awesome. The plan is to listen to all 500 songs, in order, and then probably blog a little about it. So buckle up folks that one is gonna be a barnburner!

• Being a long time fan of Richard Dawkins, it was pretty awesome to read this article from the other day.

• This was interesting.

• Don't look now, but the Twins have won 5 in a row.

• I'm not sure exactly what this is, but I know I need to see it ASAP.

Okay I'm done for tonight, au revoir.